Common Mistakes and How to Avoid Them
Navigating a dispute over seeing your grandchildren is an emotional minefield. It’s easy to make missteps that can inadvertently harm your case or, more importantly, your relationship with your family. Being aware of these common pitfalls can help you approach the situation with greater wisdom and care.
Mistake 1: Escalating the Conflict Unnecessarily
It’s natural to feel angry and defensive when you’re being kept from your grandchild. However, reacting with threats, angry voicemails, or hostile social media posts will almost certainly backfire. This behavior can be used as evidence against you in court, portraying you as unstable or a source of conflict. Parents can argue that they are protecting their child from this very drama.
How to Avoid It: Keep all communication calm, respectful, and focused on the child. Even if the parents are hostile, do not engage in kind. Document everything, but always take the high road. Your primary goal should be de-escalation. Remember, a judge will be looking at your character and behavior as part of their decision-making process.
Mistake 2: Undermining the Parents’ Authority
One of the fastest ways to lose a judge’s sympathy is to demonstrate a lack of respect for the parents’ role. Criticizing their parenting choices, openly defying their rules during visits, or telling the grandchild that their parents are wrong are all damaging actions. Courts are tasked with upholding the rights of fit parents to make decisions for their children.
How to Avoid It: Verbally and through your actions, acknowledge that the parents are in charge. Frame your requests as a desire to support them and be a positive part of your grandchild’s life, not to take over or replace them. If you are granted visitation, follow their rules regarding bedtime, diet, and discipline to the letter. This builds trust and shows the court you can coexist peacefully.
Mistake 3: Putting the Grandchild in the Middle
It can be tempting to vent your frustrations to your grandchild or ask them to pass messages to their parents. This is incredibly harmful to the child. It forces them to choose sides, causes them anxiety, and puts them in an emotionally impossible position. A judge will see this as acting against the child’s best interest.
How to Avoid It: Your dispute is with the parents, not the child. Never speak negatively about the parents in front of your grandchild. Do not use them as a messenger or a spy. Your time with them should be a safe, happy, and conflict-free zone. Your focus must remain entirely on their well-being.
Mistake 4: Not Understanding the High Legal Bar
Many grandparents enter the legal process believing that because they have a loving relationship with their grandchild, a judge will automatically grant them visitation. As we’ve discussed, this is not the case. You must overcome the powerful constitutional presumption in favor of the parents. Simply wanting to see your grandchild is not enough; you must meet the specific legal standard set by your state, which may require proving that the child will be harmed without you.
How to Avoid It: Do your research and speak with a family law attorney early on to get a realistic assessment of your case. Understand the specific legal hurdles you need to clear. Going into the process with clear eyes about the difficulty of the task will help you make better strategic decisions and manage your own emotional expectations.
Mistake 5: Attempting to Navigate the Court System Alone
While you have the right to represent yourself in court (known as “pro se” representation), family law is complex. Procedural rules, deadlines for filing documents, and the rules of evidence are strict. Making a mistake can get your case dismissed. Answering the question “can my child stop me from seeing my grandchildren?” involves nuanced legal arguments that are difficult for a non-lawyer to make effectively.
How to Avoid It: Strongly consider hiring an experienced family law attorney. They understand the local court procedures, know the judges, and can frame your case in the most compelling way possible. An attorney can be an objective advisor during a highly emotional time, helping you separate the emotional issues from the legal ones and present the strongest case possible.
